Backspace Delete
by Wicked R
Summary: Joe's not coping well with his best friend's death. A Jameron fix-it of sorts.


Set: Starts towards the end of episode 4.08 after John's done cooking.

Disclaimers: I barely own my knickers. When I am writing, it's mainly for my own pleasure.

Genre: sickfic.

Pairing: all as canon

Note: Funny thing is, I wasn't even into Halt and Catch Fire anymore by the time Season 4 came along. I barely remembered anything from it till I looked at some episodes again recently and boy, was I wrong about everything in my head! But the Jameron ambers would never die, so here we go again.

Chapter 1: System Volume

Joe was not ready for anecdotes. He has told John as much, but in fact he was not ready to do any of it. Not ready to pack up and say goodbye to all those material objects that screamed Gordon, not ready to go to the office and not find his friend there, not ready to talk about him, not ready to take a step back and adjust to a life without his business partner, not ready to sit there and eat dinner as if nothing would have happened.

Of course everybody dealt with grief differently and had the right to do so, so when they all had gathered around the table and started with the remembering and the stories, he could not tell them to stop like he had told Boz. Not to the girls who had just lost their father, he had no right to. He found he did not have to make a conscious effort not to listen though for the dizzying roar in his ears made sure he didn't hear much and then there was the thick haze around him that made it difficult for him to pass the salt when asked to. While he had automatically spooned up the first bowl of chilli John had put out in front of him, he had trouble with the second one he was supposed to share partaking in with everyone at the table. For a motivational speaker and an influencer, he had always been quite the loner and this moment was hard to take in company. The chilli may have indeed not been too spicy, he did not lie about that, but it was still feeling like it was burning a hole in his stomach, a churning that rose higher and higher till he had to consciously concentrate on swallowing it down.

"Joe? Are you alright, son?" John had a hand on the taller man's shoulder, "you seem very pale there."

"Joe, what's up, you ok?" Cameron leaned closer to him, still nervous and conflicted, but her attention now focussed on her man now that Boz had raised up the issue.

It proved that it was a bad idea to look from one to the other as it made Joe's nausea worse and he suddenly became aware that he already had his arm protectively across belly. He had no recollection of when he had placed it there, but it was not enough to keep the discomfort at bay. He lept towards the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before all that he had put into his stomach on the day had escaped with painful clenches in a few, powerful torrents that left him breathless, shaking and with his chest on fire.

"I swear to you, that was not my chilli, my cooking's always safe," John's voice could be heard muffled from a distance.

"Hey, you need a bit of water?" Cameron hovered by the door. She had no idea how to comfort people at the best of times and these last couple of days certainly did not qualify as best.

"Yeah, okay," Joe gave her an out, something practical to do. She had to go back to the kitchen to do it as everything from the bathroom had already been emptied and thrown away.

"What happened? How is he?" Donna took an interest, a little embarrassed for feeling so out of place doing it.

"I honestly don't know," Cameron had a hand on her hip while holding the tumbler with the other, "I haven't even seen him much today since we've arrived."

"Well, it's pretty plain he's well stricken," John gave his assessment.

"Yeah. Uh, maybe you should take him home," Donna offered awkwardly.

"We came to help. I mean you're not even half-way through the house," Cameron felt obligated to continue.

"How about you stay, I take Joe home and come back? It ain't no trouble. Hell, time comes I was fixin' ta bring Diane over for a little bit too anyway," John offered a solution.

"You don't need to do that," Joe took the glass out of Cameron's hand by the doorframe, "I'm sorry everyone. I don't know what happened but I'm fine. It's not about me."

"Yeah, well, you don't look fine you know," Haley tilted her head with a disapproving frown and with the truthfulness of youth.

"Maybe you should lie down for a while," Cameron snaked an arm round her man's hips.

"No, it's ok, we've got things to do, right?" Joe took a heading towards Gordon's bedroom again. He needed to be alone more than anything else.

Tbc

Chapter Management Edit Chapter

Chapter 2: Scroll Lock

Chapter Text

Chapter 2: Scroll Lock

"Hey. What is it? What's wrong?" Cameron stood in the doorframe of the bathroom, unsure of whether she should approach. The moment made her acutely aware of how inept and uncomfortable she had always been at comforting others. She'd rather Joe didn't need comforting, especially not now on their last night together they'd agreed on before they went on their separate ways. The developer had delayed leaving the bed, contemplating whether she should just pretend she had slept through her lover puking his guts out. Cameron thought she had almost gotten away with it, but then he restarted again. The sounds coming from the bathroom seemed painful and she couldn't quite ignore that.

"Nothing," Joe's instincts told him to say. There was enough tension and awkwardness between them as it was, he didn't want to add to it.

"Of course it's not nothing," Cameron decided to take action by squatting down next to him and putting a hand on his broad shoulders timidly. Despite their decision to separate, they had never been emotionally closer, the sentiment compelling her to lean her head against his shoulder too, "what a sad pair we are. Me blubbering earlier and now you throwing up."

"Ok, it's not how I've wanted to spend this night," Joe agreed, pulling back from the toilet bowl a little to accommodate her.

"Can you come back to bed?" Naturally, the coder would assume that's where he would want to be, regardless of the exact timing of this particular night. "I mean, can you?" She changed the intonation by the placing the accent on the penultimate word, "are the sheets safe or is it a bucket kind of situation."

"I don't know," her man hung his head, drawing a hand across his abdomen as if testing it, "I guess I.."

"Alright?" Cameron's hand shadowed his with a rub across his lower arm and the back of his hand, keeping it on his stomach even after his moved away in a frenzy to steady himself on the rim of the bowl.

"No no moving is not good. Not to ruin the moment but it's um.." Joe managed to warn before retching into the toilet once more.

"Oh my god," the programmer was rather alarmed by how tightly his stomach muscles tensed up under her hand. "Does it hurt?" She expressed her sympathising once there seemed to be a lull in his heaving and he could hear her.

Joe didn't seem to be able to formulate an answer apart from a whimper. Cameron could feel his stomach turn once more before she could see its result. It seemed like there was nothing left to expel, but that didn't seem to be a helpful in this case. In fact it only made him strain and cough and struggle more. "Joe come on, you must be done, Jesus Christ. Try to take deep breaths." It was the best she could do to soothe him, which wasn't much but towered comparing to her first instinct to run as far as she could.

He made an effort when prompted, wondering how could he have forgotten such a basic coping mechanism, even if he could not think straight through his stomach cramping. He tried breathing through his nose, then breathing through his mouth, alternating it chaotically, but eventually after a few swallow puffs his breathing became something akin to normal as opposed to the yo-yoing between gagging and hyperventilating as it had been previously. He was able to look up at Cameron somewhat bewildered that she had kept by his side, though her stroking his back was still hesitant. "So, I think I'll be okay," he wanted to assure her.

"I've never seen you so pale. You went a few shades worse only since I came in," the woman seemed rather apprehensive, "do we need to get you to the hospital?"

"Cam. There's no need to overreact. It's just an upset stomach," he was quite taken with her concern though.

"But I'm not buying it. I haven't heard of the flu going around lately and we've been eating the same things these last few days since I've been in town."

"There are other reasons people can have upset stomachs."

"Yeah, that's what I'm worried about."

"Let's just see how it goes tomorrow. The bed sounds really good at this moment in time."

"Listen, we've got some antacids somewhere around here, don't we?" Cameron looked up towards the cabinet, "I don't think they're expired I mean."

Joe had the urge to swallow hard. The thought of some foul tasting medicine didn't really do him any favours and he had to force himself to concentrate on even breathing again. Cameron misinterpreted his reaction as needing the antacid, "wait," she stood to rummage in the cabinet, "it seems like we have pepto and Milk of Magnesia."

Joe shook his head, "I can't.." This time it was pretty easy to deduce what he couldn't from his nauseated expression. "Any pills to swallow maybe? Zantac, right? There should be some there, I don't know."

"Yeah? Why you keep it? You have this whatever it is at other times too?" Cameron stood on her tiptoes to look deeper.

"Well, no. Yes, it hurts sometimes, but not like this."

"Hm, aha." The woman of his dreams wasn't convinced what the right course of action was as she thrust the discovered pills into his hands and went to fetch the glass he used for toothbrushing only to find that he had already swallowed the tablets by the time she turned back and leaned his head back against the tiles, taking deep, slow breaths with his eyes closed, not looking very far from throwing up again. The sight finally gave her an idea for something maybe useful to do, so she wet a hand towel. "Joe? Incoming," she warned him before sneaking the folded, cold towel into the little space between his neck and the wall to cool the base of his skull.

Joe shivered and blinked at her confused for a moment before giving a sound between a moan and a sigh that didn't sound unfavourable at all. Cameron sighed too, glad she got something right, then snuck her other hand to smoothe over his belly again, "do you want me to get another towel for your stomach?"

"What? Yeah. Yeah, please," he waited for her return with his eyes closed, arms wrapped around his stomach.

Cameron knelt down beside him, meaning business when she started to move the newest small hand towel slowly round his upper abdomen, somewhere between caressing and rubbing. "Is this any good? Lower? Stronger?"

"No, actually that's really good." He straightened his legs and seemed to relax a little, leaning his head back and to the side a bit.

"You feeling better?"

"Yes, thanks," he breathed out softly and slowly, as if pacing himself.

Cameron wasn't convinced. His abdomen still felt tense under her palm so she continued her ministrations, pulling closer and giving him the chance to lean his head against her shoulder. "Ok, I've had a few scenarios in my mind about how this night would go, but this wasn't one of them," she raised her eyebrows jokingly as she revisited the topic briefly mentioned aforehand.

"I'm sorry. This wasn't how I imagined it either." His voiced was pained, moany, "your last memories of me, of us together. Just great now."

"Typical of us though, totally mental," Cameron quipped, positioning herself into an angle where she could reach high enough to flush the toilet, "listen, have you been sick a lot? I mean in between the funeral and now." She tried not to sound too suspicious, "because there are quite a lot of pills missing from that container."

"What is 'a lot'?" Joe deferred.

"Babe.." That one sounded disapproving as well as tender, "if you're not well, you should see a doctor, don't you think. Bos can probably recommend someone."

"Yeah, ok I guess."

Apart from the occasions of deliberate self-harm, the odd unprotected sex and accidents, Joe wasn't known for taking too many risks with his health, but his ready agreement still startled her, making her think something was really wrong. "I'll call him tomorrow."

"Only you won't be here tomorrow." He was convinced, and wretchedly so.

"I'm not going to leave you like this. I mean I might be cruel, but I'm not that cruel."

"What? Not our last night together?" While he never wanted her to leave, delaying the inevitable might just feel like stretching the agony.

"No." Cameron was firm on that, "I want to help."

"Well, can we continue this in the bedroom then?" Joe groaned, feeling as exhausted as if emptying his stomach would have equalled a few running sessions put together.

Cameron wrapped her free arm around him as well and scooted up to get set for standing. "Joe? Are you ready?" The woman was a bit confused as he didn't make a move.

"Yeah, sorry," he grabbed the toilet bowl to lift himself up, somewhat surprised by how much the world tilted.

The game designer needed all her focus and strength to keep the much taller man upright, "hey hey Joe, should we sit back down?" She panicked.

Her lover splayed his large fingers against the wall, panting and wincing, "I'd rather pass out in the bed than here if you don't mind."

"Slowly then," Cameron was cautious.

"No. It has to be quick, or I will fall," Joe insisted shakily.

Cameron fisted his shirt on instinct, knowing fine well that in reality it would not make a difference to how much she was able to hold onto him, "on three? One, two…"

"Three," her man let go of the wall, so focussed on his destination that he had virtually pulled her with him, unsteady on his feet as he was. Cameron's presence had been useful in the way of steering and direction, but the effort he had made himself fully, ending up atop of the covers head first, pulling her with himself once more.

"Are you ok?" Cameron was getting off-balance herself from all the crazy zigzagging his dizziness resulted in.

"Mmm, yeah fine," Joe wanted to defer the issue, "I just want to sleep, I'm okay."

"You sure?" The recent divorcee was far from convinced.

"Rest will help." That he was sure of.

Cameron snuggled beside him, not letting go. She was still focussed on checking him over, feeling his temperature through his shirt, noting the way he was breathing and digging his arm into his belly under him as he lay on his stomach. "You're sweating," she observed.

"Sorry," he pulled a bit away to save her from the inconvenience of touching him.

"No, that's not what I meant," she took his free hand into hers, settling to watch him from that little distance he's put between them.

"You'll be here in the morning?" Joe was sleepy but couldn't shake the sliver of hope she had given him by her earlier declaration.

"Yes," she promised and meant it. What came later, that didn't matter right now, not today.

Tbc

Chapter Management Edit Chapter

Chapter 3: Page Up

Chapter Text

Chapter 3: Page Up

It was the discomfort in his stomach that woke Joe up and yet he was reluctant to make any movement. Lying next to the love of his life on this particular morning was an unexpected development so he wanted to enjoy it for one more moment before it all dissipated into thin air. Being still did seem to help with the roiling of his belly as well, even if it gradually rose in intensity, but it did not compare to the sharp jolt that stabbed at his stomach every time he accidentally moved and an intense sense of nausea that had him screw his eyes shut and ride it out till he was out of breath. He might need a doctor after all, if not for anything else but for getting something for the pain. "Please.." The whisper escaped him despite himself, along with a pitiful moan accompanying a particularly persistent cramp that felt like cutting him in half.

"Joe?" Cameron awoke quick, and she also realised his distress immediately. She leaned on an elbow, looming over him alarmed, "huh? What's wrong?"

"Not to ruin your free morning, but my stomach..hurts so bad."

"Don't worry about it, I'll just take you to urgent care right now," the coder glanced around to get her bearings and their clothes' whereabouts.

"No. I've had this before. I need..I have a prescription for times like this."

Cameron was a bit confused. How come she had never heard of those times like this before. She was too concerned about him however to dwell on that right at this moment, "where is it?"

"In the documents drawer. Probably closer to the bottom as I didn't need it for a while."

"Okay.." At times it was good that he was an organising freak and given that Cameron rarely gave any thought to her appearance, a pair of jeans and a holey t-shirt was quickly produced and she was ready to go, if only she didn't glance at the paper in her hand that had the set of medications listed with the condition they were for, "oh my god, what the hell is gay bowel syndrome?" She demanded, horrified and somewhat perplexed.

"There's a recommendation in motion not to call it like that anymore," Joe was defensive and nervous she would maybe misunderstand things, people usually did. "I'm not sleeping with anyone else," he made sure to clarify even though he would have rather been still and quiet.

"Okay," Cameron repeated, conflicted about leaving him alone. It was that she was contemplating as opposed to anything else. "Do you need anything else? Before I go. Towel? Waste basket?"

"I don't know. No. Just...hurry," the stricken man rode a cramp out as he answered, words clipped and barely taking in a breath.

Cameron grabbed the telephone and deposited it next to him, "hey. You get any worse and you call 911, do you hear!"

"Cam.." He took a moment out his suffering to give in to the wonder of her being so worried about him. Of course he knew they loved each other in their imperfect ways, a love that hurt cause of how they complemented each other and yet still did not fit, but it had always been precious to him to see the proof of her love. At the same time, he felt guilty for alarming her so, and awkward for making her stay one more day with this development. While his stomach was indeed trying to grind itself up from the inside, he still felt like he was cheating, delaying the inevitable with an invalid move. They were supposed to have been broken up by now, so none of this was truly real.

"I'll be back as soon as I can," the brunette promised from the doorway.

Tbc

Chapter Management Edit Chapter

Chapter 4: Boy Better Know and It's Shut Down

Chapter Text

Chapter 4: Boy Better Know and It's Shut Down

"Hey. Hey." It was Cameron's soft hands accompanying the voice that Joe first felt on his cheeks, directing his gaze before his vision focussed enough to discern her, and the unfamiliar surroundings that were however unmistakably that of a hospital room's.

"Listen, I'm really angry with you, you know." The love of his life stated, though she did not look furious one bit, which puzzled Joe. Cameron wasn't known for bottling her anger.

"What happened?" The hospital patient was most of all confused by the lack of pain cutting up his insides.

"Where should I start? Well, first of all, why didn't you call 911. You made me find you out cold in a puddle of bile on the floor. It didn't look like you were breathing."

"I..well, uh I don't remember that. Wait. Maybe, I think I tried to go to the bathroom at one point."

"Why! I left you a bucket!"

"I don't know..what's happening," Joe was feeling just as hazy as he had been when Cameron stepped out, that didn't change. It felt a little disconcerting. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"But you do know, don't you, that's the thing!" The coder did sound exasperated this time, "you never told me you had been really ill while I was in Japan!"

"It was a difficult time for me, you knew that."

"I didn't know you were in and out of hospital for years!"

"Uh..well, what's new. And you know, it was nothing like that time when I was a kid."

"But you still didn't think it was worth mentioning."

"Gordon knew," Joe gave a shrug-like movement that made him aware of an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. Not pain, more like pulling and stickiness that still made him wince.

"Easy Joe, um look...you just had major abdominal surgery," Cameron felt apologetic about her outburst now.

"What?"

"Parts of your bowels were inflamed, which caused peritonitis. It hasn't resolved completely, so you're on a high dose of antibiotics."

"What?" It was a lot to take in.

"Dramatic is your style, isn't it," Cameron sounded angry again, "by the way, it's so not useful you still have Gordon down as your next of kin, right? There was a whole world of mess. I mean uh we had to get permission from your never heard of cousin from New York to finally get an update on your condition and we had to track that guy, Dale Butler down to figure out where to find her. He appears to be in awe of you actually. He came by too."

"Dale came by?" The whirlwind of information just kept coming. At some level that would have been worth seeing. The guy had been his father's right hand man.

"I would so slap you if you weren't in the ICU," the coder continued her tirade, "how can you do this to me."

"Do what."

"Just...you almost died on the operating table. Sorry, you did die on the operating table!" Cameron allowed herself a slap to his arm.

"So I'm in heaven?" Joke aside, throughout it all, what Joe couldn't believe was his luck still having her there with him.

"Calm down. God, I love you, but you know how I hate hospitals and all the awkwardness that goes with it," she complained half-heartedly.

"You love me.." Things were starting to get hazy again and Joe was quite sure he would not be able to keep his eyes open for much longer, but those words he could not miss. Love was never the issue between them, and yet he clung to the sound of that, almost ecstatic as he left himself drift. Or was that the drugs constantly flowing into his veins. More he did not hear for a while.

Tbc

Chapter Management Edit Chapter

Chapter 5: Cakewalk

Chapter Text

Chapter 5: Cakewalk

"I got it," Joe lowered himself onto the bed, bypassing an awkwardly hovering Cameron, "I'm fine. When was the last time you've been out to the Airstream? Come on, you know I'm not going to break."

The coder shrugged, "maybe tomorrow. I want to see first how you settle in at home without the i.v.. uh, I don't want to get buried in work and forget the time and to come to check on you."

"Cam, I want you to go. We both know it certainly does neither of us good when you feel stuck in this apartment."

"Well, last time I left you right here you almost died so guess what, I'm probably not going to get antsy today."

"What about the elephant in the room." Joe felt it had been increasingly awkward between them the better he got physically because of that delayed break-up could not have been buried deep in either of their minds, "I'm not looking for charity."

"It's not...Leave the elephant sleeping," Cameron lay down next to him, "do you know how hard it is lugging you around in a wheelchair? I think you have lost a lot of weight but they are still not making wheelchairs for your size as standard," she wiggled into position to put her head on his shoulder, "sorry, I'm not hurting you, am I?"

Joe secured her in his arms as a response, "you want to sleep?" It made sense now why she did not want to leave. He didn't know how many nights she had spent at the hospital, but he knew it was enough to impress and humble him. Joe turned around to kiss her, though not without any difficulty or pain and he didn't quite get to it before she became aware of his discomfort.

"Hey, what's wrong? Do you need some painkillers?" Cameron misinterpreted his twisting as a sign of hurting.

"I need you," he encircled her with both arms, "a redo cause the last one wasn't the greatest. A last night together, the proper way that matters." He had no intentions of drawing out the pain of the inevitable any longer than that if it had to be.

"Well, can you even have sex," the coder concentrated on the practical. They've had this unspoken non-mention policy about the breakup that made it easier to ignore its existence and pretend as if they were the ideal couple living an ordinary day. "And most importantly should you."

"I don't care. Nobody said I shouldn't. Not the heterosexual kind anyway."

"Uhuh. They did say no strenuous exercise."

"Well, maybe you could do all the work for once," he teased, "you can find a way."

"Oh, I don't do enough?" Cameron was mock-offended, sneaking a finger up those beloved scars, but carefully avoiding the new one.

"Yeah, you're enough," came the somewhat misplaced answer. Pain notwithstanding, this time Joe reached Cameron's lips with his, a hand moving down to the dip of her waist so that he could pull her against him, again not heeding the smarting in his belly the movement and the pressure of her body caused.

Cameron had to come up for air for a moment as the sudden nature of his attack surprised her and she had not been able to draw a breath before kissing, but Joe didn't let her lips uncovered for long. He teased with chaste, slow kisses that once again left her breathless, only this time with want. Her fingers clutched at his shirt and his broad chest under it. She pushed against in on her own accord this time, lost in the feeling, the possible finality to their actions. Of course they've had break up sex before, they've had good-bye sex and they've had hello-and good-bye sex before, forbidden, sinful moments and those of virginal innocence, the circumstance never mattered. It had always been senses consuming and passionate to a fault. Joe and Cam, they didn't mix well and the resulting explosion was savage. The sex had always been good and it was hard to deny themselves of that, the comfort of the flesh they both so desperately needed day by day.

Cameron arched into his hold, her loins instinctually finding and grinding into his. She pushed against him and turned them so that she was now sitting atop of his groins, away from any area that could hurt him. Cameron took a moment to scrutinise him anyway, instinctually assess him, the expression on his face, his erratic breaths. She drew her hand up and down his chest tenderly, but there were no indications that told her to slow down so she unbuttoned his shirt and his trousers, along with hers.

"Look at you, doing all the work as you were told alright," the finding made him smile.

"Yeah, maybe if you weren't so particular with your dishes I could do them too," Cameron couldn't help but remark. She had to bid for time, it did take a while to undress them both herself, but it made them all the more eager when there was nothing more than the thin gauze on his belly separating their bodies. "Are you okay?" Cameron checked once more as she settled atop of him, "you seem a bit far away."

"I make you happy, don't I?" Joe stared at her.

"Right now? Damn right you are," the woman could do nothing but pant and wheeze as she lowered herself onto his erect dick. "Oh for fuck's sakes Joe do you really need to ask precisely at this moment," Cameron was rather startled when she looked down at him and saw that he was serious.

Joe pushed up his hips, understanding this wasn't really the right time, pushing up inside her, eliciting an urge in his penis that begged for more. His resulting low grunt she misunderstood, taking a moment to scrutinise him again, make sure he was still comfortable physically.

"Don't stop, no, go on faster," Joe urged, grabbing hold of her thighs as much as for purchase as grounding her, "I can take it more in the end," he became somewhat incoherent in his eagerness.

"But I would not like a bloody mess with stitches," Cameron was serious even as her words became breathy and broken up as she bounced.

"Won't be, it doesn't matter, it's past that," he facilitated her making his penis go deeper by holding her thighs down with his fingers higher up.

Cameron bit her lips as she concentrated on the quickly changing sensations inside her with every inch of of his length going past over and over, thicker and thicker, ever more forceful than before till she remembered to consider, "still ok?"

Joe could only nod and wriggle, garbled sounds of making love leaving his lips instead of intelligible words. He slid his hands up to her hips, pushing her down, down, down, not letting go, making them one. "Yes, but this.." Sensations took over his ability to speak again.

"No but what.." Cameron pressed out the words in between shivers, lips that trembled and the cry the sensation of him finding her sweet spot repeatedly inside her elicited just as much as the rubbing of her clit against him did.

"That's it. Do you mind if.."

"If what.." The woman licked her lips, barely able to contain herself anymore.

"If I finish quick," Joe's voice was deeper, husky and somewhat strained.

"No..yes, I mean go on," Cameron was a little confused. It's not like her analytical mind was in control at the moment, but she did eventually figure it was maybe because he was hurting after all. As a result, she let him take over, dictate the rhythm, control the force.

Joe kept his cock as deep as he could and more rolled her up and down than lifted her, not needing any more stimulation than that to spill his seed inside her in a cathartic manner. It was only when his shaking hands left her hips and he groaned that she realised that those little noises were more of pain rather than passion. Cameron climbed off him immediately, not minding her own fulfilment or more like, the lack of it, "no, why would you do that!" She sat to the side, putting her hand on his heaving chest.

"Overestimated a little bit," he admitted, wincing.

"Are you okay? I thought you were good," Cameron winced herself at the mess between them and on the sheets that her quick moving off him created. Pedantic Joe did not usually like the bedding wasted.

"Yeah, just come here," her man pulled her down for a tender kiss that made her want to cry again. If they loved each other this much, why could it not be enough. Then it finally resonated with her what he has said at the beginning of their lovemaking. She was enough. "What do you mean?" She sat up again suddenly, staring into his eyes, "about me being enough."

"You seem to think I do, but I don't need children to feel happy, blessed and fulfilled. I don't. Who says a child does all those things. They most likely they don't, just look at our own parents' examples. Besides, who am I supposed to ask for one? Some randoms on the street? Come on, that's nonsense, nobody can guarantee anything. Why would I want to lose you over a tiny, almost impossible maybe."

"There. You said it. That almost. Because you would always wonder and believe. We've been through this before. You deserve someone who can give you a child, who's capable and willing to give you a child. I don't want to live with the guilt and the pressure."

"Like you'd live with the guilt of leaving me instead?"

"Yeah, I don't really want to live with either," Cameron sighed shakily, "but a choice needed to be made."

Joe sat up not minding the difficulties arising from his battered abdomen to whisper sensually into her ear, "I love you. I don't want to lose you again. I can't. That wish is stronger."

"Joe.." Her objection was half-hearted, "I'm just scared that one day you're going to wake up and resent me for stopping you from having a proper family."

"Can't you leave leaving to that point then?" Joe tried to lighten the mood with the jest but he in fact meant it, "hopefully a very long time from now."

Cameron shook her head, "I thought our agreement to break up was mutual though."

"It was..but it was a mistake. Nothing gives you more perspective than a trip to the ICU. It's um.."

"You think so too?" Cameron propped herself up to lean over him, surprised and excited.

"What? You thought that?" It was Joe's turn to be surprised.

"Yeah I did, I just didn't know you did!"

"Well, it's settled then. Who says good old fashioned person to person communication doesn't do wonders!" Joe pulled her down to crush her against himself.

The End.


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